Single Parents

Dating After A Divorce – With Kids

There are many things you will go through after divorce, and one of them is getting back into the dating pool. Dating after a divorce with kids can be exciting, fun and thrilling and then there are times when it can be disappointing, frustrating and unpleasant. No matter how things go, remember you need to be picky and make sure you find the person who is right for you.

After my divorce I found myself wanting the companionship that was missing.   I wanted to start dating but I had no idea how.  When I divorced, I didn’t know anyone who was a single mother who I could talk to. The feeling of being lonely was overwhelming and I knew I would have to figure this dating after a divorce with kids out all on my own.

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One thing that I really wanted to make sure of was that my two kids were not part of my early stages of dating. Dating after a divorce with kids is tricky.  I didn’t want my kids to feel upset, confused or that I was replacing their dad. I did not want them to create a bond with someone I was dating, because  if the relationship would end, that person would be ripped out of my kids lives.  I was protecting my kids and I feel that it was one of my better decisions that I made.  It was not easy, but who said dating after a divorce with kids was easy? My early stages of dating was only done when my kids were at their dad’s house. This left me with limited time, but I knew this was how it had to be in order to make the best of my time with my children.

I mostly met guys online and went through my own process on “weeding out” the ones I knew would not be for me. One process of “weeding out” was based on emails that were sent to me. If an email was written well I would email them back. The emails that were not written well or had misspelled words (the simple words that should never be misspelled) was one of my many ways of determining they were just not right for me. I was told that when dating after a divorce with kids, you can and need to be picky.

Once I determined that I was going to continue to converse with someone, I would strictly email them for at least a week or two. Then it would progress to talking on the phone for another week or two. Once I felt comfortable and wanted to meet the guy, I would meet them out on a date. I always met my date out in a public place. Some place that was well lit and had a lot of people around. It was usually a coffee shop or a restaurant.

After meeting a few people, I knew that dating after a divorce with kids was not going to be easy.  I noticed that I was meeting people with similar characteristics to my ex. It took me a while to realize this was not what I wanted or what I was looking for. So I went back to the drawing board.  I started to search on the dating websites for people with characteristics that were opposite of what I was used to. Who knew that dating after a divorce with kids would be so much work?

There were a few people I had a serious relationship with, and my kids did meet those people.  They were introduced as a friend. One of my dates also went through a divorce involving two kids. We visited with each other only a few times when we both had our children, and during those few times we learned a lot about dating after a divorce with kids.  It wasn’t easy, we wanted to make sure our kids feelings were protected so we limited the times the kids were included in our get together’s. Then there was another guy I dated who had a daughter. Once we took both our daughters to see a show, but other than that one time, we kept the kids out of our dates.

Then I met my future husband. We dated for eight months before he met the kids. He was introduced to my kids as my boyfriend (I knew he was the one!). The kids were very excited, had a lot of questions, and after the night was over they were asking when they could see him again. They really liked him, which made me happy because I really liked him too! Slowly the kids got to see him more and more.  And I thought dating after a divorce with kids was difficult, until now!

I learned that dating after a divorce with kids is not easy, but if you take the right steps in preventing heart ache for your children it is worth it in the end. Now after going through a lot of dating, a lot of weeding out crazies and making sure my kids were protected I found the one with whom my heart belongs to.  We got married last year. Not only has he made me the happiest girl in the world, he has also made my kids the happiest they have been in a long time!

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This article was posted by Smart Divorce Network.

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