Surviving Divorce

Nobody ever expects to go through a divorce. Most people assume the day they say their “I do’s” means for life, not just for a time. Divorce is painful and hard, regardless of whether you are the one who initiated it or not. Some people may be happy they are getting divorced, but the process is still difficult, and even more difficult if children are involved. Millions of people have survived divorce, and you can too.

One of the first things to remember is that bad-mouthing the other person is not beneficial to anyone involved. Do your best to be the bigger person and try to only speak about actual facts, not feelings. This can be an extremely difficult task if the other person is bad-mouthing you. Remember to never, under any circumstances drag the children into the bad-mouthing. Kids are like a sponge and they absorb it all, don’t give them any additional emotional stress to deal with; their parents divorcing is enough without talking bad about the other parent.

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Take the time to look within yourself and take responsibility for your part in the divorce. Even if it was something as simple as allowing the other person to shock you by asking for a divorce, forgive yourself and forgive them. You can’t move forward with your life if you are holding on to grudges. Let go so you can move forward.

Get reacquainted with yourself. At one point in your life you had things or hobbies you loved, and most times those things get pushed aside once you become a couple because there isn’t enough time for everything and sacrifices get made. Try out new hobbies or things you’ve always wanted to do, but were never able to. Finding something that you are passionate about will help you focus on positive things instead of the negativity of divorce.

Whatever you do, don’t isolate yourself. Divorce is difficult and a lot of times friends and family members choose “sides”. Isolating yourself is just going to make it that much more difficult to get past the pain and anger you may be feeling. Pick yourself up and go out. Go for a cup of coffee with a friend, go for a walk, join a meet up group of people with similar interests. If you make the effort to get out, the focus is not on the divorce but on other things that make you happy.

Don’t go jumping into a new relationship. Learn to be you. Learn to be happy alone so that you can eventually look for another mate. You don’t need another person to complete you so learn to love yourself first. Take things one at a time, day by day. Surviving divorce is difficult, but it is not impossible. Keep a positive attitude and you will get through it.

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Denise M Montville is a single mother who wears many hats. As a lifelong New Englander she is an avid New England Patriots fan who is a photographer, writer, and C.N.A.

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