If you love someone with all of your might, you are also that close to having a massive heartbreak. If you’ve recently broken up with someone whom you’ve given all your heart to, it can be the most earth shattering experience you can ever have. Even if it’s you’re 2nd, 3rd, or 4th heartbreak, nothing is ever easy when it’s your heart that’s being stabbed.
There’s not one sure solution to mending a broken heart, nor is there a pill that can make you recover overnight after a break-up. The road to recovery is a long and sometimes, very difficult journey to take. But once you do get out of that dark shadow, you’ll look back at the moment with a bittersweet understanding that break-ups are oftentimes blessings in disguise.
Here are 9 steps to recovering from a break-up:
Yes, it hurts. It feels like your heart is being ripped off your chest. It feels like the world is out to get you when all you’ve ever done is love this person. Cry your heart out and feel all the hurt you’re feeling. Take an hour or an entire day, close your room, and just let it all out. Tears are the body’s way of unloading our pain – without it, all that hurt will be trapped inside without you being able to let it go. So use your tears, cry a river and just grieve whatever it is that you lost.
2. Talk to your family or friends
Look for that one person whom you know will listen and understand you. Ask that person to take some time off work or whatever it is they’re doing so you can talk to them. Go to that person and say everything that you are feeling. Tell your sister or your best friend how much your heart hurts, how this person has done you wrong, and how you feel like it’s the end of the world. It’s important to have someone whom you can pour your entire heart to – so tell this person every single thing that you’re feeling and don’t keep your emotions bottled up.
It’s important that you also get a different perspective of what’s happening to you. Since you’re the one who’s hurt, you can’t really see the big picture of your circumstance. Your friends or family see you out of your bubble, and they’ll be able to give you a different view of what you’re going through.
If talking to your friends or family isn’t enough, then write down all your thoughts and emotions. If you want to say mean things to your ex, then write it down. Or if you play the guitar, make an angry song. Or if you paint, then paint your emotions. Catharsis is very important in recovering from a break – up, so write, or sing it out, or paint the darkest images you can paint.
4. Take Care of Yourself
So you’ve cried a river, talked to your friends about it, and let the pain out through creative means. Now it’s time you take care of yourself. Get a massage and let a stranger give you a relaxing experience. If you’re on a diet, have a cheat day and eat the most scrumptious cake you can get your hands on. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes, or clothes, or a new phone. Relax and take your mind off the hurt by taking care of you and you alone.
5. Do Something You’ve Always Wanted To Do
Once you’ve cried it out and let all the hurt out of your system, the next emotion you may be having is anger. For so many months or years, you gave this person all of your time and love, only to have that person shatter it into small little pieces. So get that anger out and do something your ex has always stopped you from doing. If your ex hated Karaoke, then sing your heart out at a Karaoke bar tonight. If your ex stopped you from getting a Master’s degree, then it’s about time you enrolled! Does your ex hate jazz? Then by all means, go to a jazz club and actually enjoy it! By the end of the day, you’ll sure to have a big smile on your face.
6. Do Something New
Okay, so you’ve made your ex angry (in your mind). Now it’s time to do something new. Does the sight of people playing frisbee at the park interest you? Then why don’t you give it a try? Or enroll in a French cooking class. By exposing yourself to new experiences and being around new people, you are rewiring your brain into thinking you are actually in an entirely different world from the one that guts your heart.
7. Stay Away from Things and Places that Remind You of Your Ex – For a While
For the first few days or even weeks, it’s healthy on your heart to stay away from places you and your ex frequented. It could be a favorite restaurant, the place where you first met, or even your own apartment. You can stay at your parents’ or a friends’ place for the meantime, just until the initial blow of the break-up has passed. But after a while, gradually expose yourself to all the places and all the things that remind you of your ex. Slowly visit the places and slowly listen to the songs again – disassociate these things and places from your ex gradually, so you can start to move forward.
8. Go Out
Once the pain subsides, well, it probably won’t for a while. But once you can face the world without crying at the mere thought of your ex, then it’s time to live a little and go out. Go out with your friends for lunch, or go to a party. Enjoy yourself and the company of those who love you and use this time to meet new people. Don’t pressure yourself into jumping into another relationship – use this time to enjoy being single and meet people on the side. It’s always healthy to flirt but don’t take it seriously – just yet.
9. Learn the Lessons You Are Supposed to Make
In each and every experience, there is always a lesson that you can take from it. If you say you did everything right, then it may be time to ask yourself why you didn’t see the heartbreak coming. Maybe you trusted too much or you ignored the red flags – which is something that you have to learn if and when you get into another relationship. Always take the lessons with you and use it so you can make better decisions in the future.
Break-ups are difficult every single time. But you don’t have to wallow in your misery forever – by using these tips, you can alleviate the pain and maybe even move forward faster than you think. They key to recovery after a break-up is to process the pain, surround yourself with social support, take care of yourself and be happy, and lastly, to learn the lessons and use them.