Single Parents

Dating, Sex, And Being Single

What is it about dating, sex and being single that places a taboo sign over someone’s head which scream’s, “I am single I must be desperate”? Just because a man or woman is single doesn’t mean they are desperate to get a date or keep a partner in their life.

Once the ripe age of 50 hits, most people are very well set in their ways, know what they want in a partner/spouse and aren’t desperate enough to have to date everything that comes along. Then there are the “life suckers”.

“Life suckers” are individuals they prey on those in the mature years simply because they know all of the above paragraph. The younger men woo the older ladies, and well, you get the picture.

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Dating, sex and being single can be better than it was when you were first married and sex was brand new. Now, you have experience under your belt filled with knowledge that has built up over the years.

What about dating? Should I?

 Ok, let’s say you have been divorced awhile and there is a friend of a friend that has noted they would like to go out with you. Here are typical emotions you will feel;

  • “Oh, I am too old to even consider dating. Dating is for kids not people my age”.
  • “Oh my gosh, he/ she could date any younger person they desired, why me”?
  • “Everybody will laugh at me assuming I am doing all sorts of things if they see us out”.

If you are single after a lengthy marriage, dating is going to feel awkward. You knew everything about your spouse, their likes and dislikes and it’s scary to start over.

When you or the one you get involved with have children, navigating thru the relationships new rules can often feel as though you are the center of mass confusion.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is going for looks. After you have been married awhile, had some kids, looks should be way down the list of things that make a person “a great catch”.

Remember the saying, “A great body is good for one night but a great mind and heart last a lifetime”. Before there were children things may have been different when you were playing the field as a single person.

Once you become a parent, dating, sex and being single has to be different in your eyes. Things that are of importance should be

  • Does he/she have a stable life?
  • Does he/she show signs of possessiveness?
  • Does he/she have children of their own and are they involved in one another’s lives?
  • Do they have a good career with stable finances?
  • Do the children seem tense and nervous when the parent is around?

All of these are signs you need to look for. Looks are nice but let’s face it, looks fade with age; having a solid person emotionally and even financially are keys to security. No one person wants or needs an extra person’s baggage from emotional issues and financial disaster.

Sex-How will I know when the time is right?

 Dating someone new and experiencing those “new” butterfly feelings can and will feel as though you have struck gold as well as feeling scary. Someone new is seeing all your body flaws while experiencing sex with you for the first time since your divorce.

The pressure is huge when you begin experimenting in sexual behavior after a divorce. For women, this can be a “make or break” of a relationship especially if her partner doesn’t take the time to make her feel comfort and arousing at the same time. The first sexual encounter could be awkward if it’s both parties first time experimenting sex with someone other than their spouse.

Jumping into sex prior to getting to know the person usually is a mistake. Now you are on different turfs with feelings exposed. Women, you need to be the director of your sex life. Never allow yourself to be pressured into having sex, this usually leads to resentment and the end of what may have been a great relationship.

Engaging in sexual activity for the first time with someone new will not only feel scary, it’s going to feel extremely strange. Your emotions will be exposed as well as the most intimate side of you both, often leading to hidden emotions to surface.

Some great tips to remember if you are starting to mingle with dating, sex and being single.

  • Take time to date before you explore your sexuality. Once sex has occurred, the relationship takes a major turn where emotions, raw emotions are exposed.
  • Be prepared by buying products you haven’t bought in a while, such as intriguing night clothing, condoms and lubricant.
  • Talk about your sexual needs, desires and fantasies prior to having sex.
  • Expect sex to be strange and even scary in the beginning. Opening up to a new person can be difficult.
  • Depending on your previous sexual desires in your marriage, this may prove to be the best sex you ever had. Let your wants and needs be known. Start a conversation via email or text discussing one another’s desires can be extremely erotic and you are being open and honest without feeling awkward face to face.
  • Let your bodies do the talking, explore one another.

I just thought I had experienced it all

It is very important that you be true to yourself if and when you are ready to tamper in dating, sex and being single. Write down what you expect out of the next relationship. Your likes and dislikes may have been hidden in a marriage.

Men, talk to your new lady friend and make sure she knows if you feel pressure of performance to make her aware that you both are experiencing the same scary emotions.

Discussing the fears will not only make you closer, you both will feel on equal grounds when sex does happen. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to discuss what it is you want in your sex life.

Talking and exploring might open doors that have remained closed for many years. Embrace your body and your partner’s body and you just may find you missed out of something all these years.

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I am a freelance writer and really enjoy writing about my life experiences. I decided to help out Smart Divorce Network and write some articles hoping they will help others that have been through some of what I have been through. I am a successful step child and have step children of my own. Feel free to comment on my articles and let me know your stories.

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