Yes, it would seem like the plot of a Series of Unfortunate Event movie but that was my life a year ago.
I thought I married a man who’s ready to share his life with me but I was wrong. I guess that’s likely in a whirlwind romance. We’ve been married a couple of years and we have a wonderful 1-year-old son. I started to suspect infidelity when he began spending too much time in the office. His spending habits also changed. At first, I thought it was just because he received a promotion. In the end, it was really because he was having an affair with a female coworker.
I felt the world come crashing down on me when I received the divorce papers. A few days after, my son fell sick. The mysterious illness turned out to be Medullary Sponge Kidney. I remember asking God if I committed a grave sin in my past life that’s why I’m being punished like this. He didn’t answer then but I think I know His answer now.
In order to raise my son well and escape the reality of a divorcee, I sold the house and moved out of state to live close to my parents. It felt like living life all over again. It wasn’t easy. None of these was easy but little by little, I got back up.
How did I do it?
Thinking back, I think the first strong step to emotional recovery was leaving our shared home. There were just too many memories that a day more would have sucked the life out of me. I returned to the warm embrace of the people who have loved me all my life – my parents, friends and the community where I grew up in.
The discovery of a lifetime illness in my child woke me up and triggered an immediate response. I spent hours and days scouring the Internet to better understand what we’re up against. I joined a Facebook Group of patients suffering from the disease so I would know what life with MSK is like. This online community cried with me and celebrated little joys with me. They’re like a family that you can reach out to because unlike other groups, you don’t need permission to post about your sentiments other than MSK.
I forgave. Yes, it took me a year to forgive because it’s a process that cannot be completed in just a few months. The pain was deep in my heart and I cried. I cried a lot. I cried when I heard a familiar music playing. I cried when I saw videos that trigger memories. I cried. I did not hold back my tears. I let it all out and it has cured me. A year of crying lifted my pain and I was finally able to forgive. However, I did not forget. I don’t think I ever will.
“You didn’t fail.”
A lot of the posts that I’ve been reading about divorce deal with self-pity and that feeling of failure. I guess I can’t say I didn’t go through the same thing but I realized that if I stayed in that zone, I wouldn’t function as a good mom to my child.
Just remember that you didn’t fail in marriage. Marriage failed you. Do not assume all the blame because no one person can make a marriage work. Two people have to make it work, not just one.
“Life does not end with divorce.”
Right now, you would naturally feel like a period in your life has ended. Yes, it’s just a period in your life and not your whole life. Keep living your life the best way you could. Keep up with your interests and hobbies and as much as possible, remain hopeful. True love will come your way soon.
A year ago, I was divorced, broke and caring for a sick child. Today, I am a strong and independent woman who knows my true worth.