We hear people speak about getting a divorce so often that we expect it. We just think it is our right. If your marriage no longer sends shivers down your spine, just trade-off, right? Wrong.
Do you remember, way back then, when getting married was all you can think about? You were in love and your wedding was the announcement to the world that you and your partner were joined forever.
You got a license at the courthouse and set the date. Just like that. The paper you carried gave you and your spouse certain rights as spouses. You were happy and the IRS was in agreement.
Marriage is a legal and binding agreement legislated primarily by the state.
Grounds for divorce
The state you live in has a list of issues that are legal grounds for divorce. While the lists change from state to state, most of the grounds are the same. For example:
- Wife getting pregnant by another man
- Spouse going to jail or a mental institution for three years
Of course, there are other reasons which the judge can take into consideration.
When The Judge Says No!
You may have a valid reason for a divorce, but that does not mean you will get one. The power to give you divorce is in fact the “power” which can be used as he sees fit.
The main reason a judge will refuse to grant a divorce is the wellbeing of the children. If there are children in the family, the judge needs proof that they are adequately provided for. Financially, if the union does not provide satisfactorily for the children, the divorce will be on hold. Until support arrangements are in place, The judge will not grant the divorce. Once they are in place, your divorce should go through.
It is more unusual for a divorce to be denied for reasons of Fraud, but it happens. For example, the couple may transfer all their debts into the wife’s name. He may open accounts no one knows about. He may try to hide money and take advantage of the system. But, our legal system has seen these things before and they do not take them lightly.
In the vast majority of cases, the spouses are normal people who have simply grown apart. They may even be spouses who broke their vows and made mistakes against their partner. In the best of circumstances, they are dissolving their marriage just because they have changed. They will ask for a divorce, and they will get it. They will suffer the pain and guilt that we all do. They will have trust issues and they will have to find a way to begin life again.
The first group of people described in this article will have attorneys. They could be facing some tough ground to cover. But even for the normal family, lawyers are needed. They have clear minds, and they are not led by emotion. They want it to be fair.
A divorce attorney knows how to look out for your future. In your pain, you may not care about 401K, retirement, insurance, and who gets the dog. But they will care. Let your attorney fight the battle for you. There are programs for people like you. Your attorney knows about them. Let the attorney work out all the details. The more you fight with each other, the worse you look to the judge.
Be willing to work it out
Unless there is a very good reason, be the kind of parent that wants your children to have a good relationship with both parents. If your spouse stepped out on you and was caught in the arms of another lover, that is shocking and shameful. It proves he or she did not honor their vows. It shows there is a chip in their moral compass. It does not show they cannot be a loyal and loving parent. You have no right to say that mistake costs them their rights.
It would take something rather serious for a judge to require two adults to remain married when they are requesting a divorce. Remember, a judge sees divorce cases all day long. He (or she) is not picking on you. If it turns out that the judge sees something that doesn’t add up, and by delaying the divorce, he can correct it, you will be very lucky indeed. While this is inconvenient, trust that he has the best interest of the children at heart. Listen and obey. Your divorce will happen. By following the guides he is handing you, it should happen seamlessly and safely. And in the end, that is what is best for everyone.