Elinor Shinehoft

Elinor Shinehoft is a Toronto-based family lawyer and personal injury lawyer whose focus rests on domestic contracts, divorce, legal separation, child support and custody, spousal support, property division, collaborative law, and personal injury law. Visit Shinehoft Law to know more about her.

Divorce And Children- How To Minimize The Damage To Your Kids

divorce and children

We often hear people say that the main reason for a divorce is marriage. But, no the main reason for a divorce is the inability of the couple to understand each other and adjust to the needs of the their better half. Divorce itself is a serious blow to both the husband and the wife, upon that if they have any kids, the biggest blow comes to the kids as they are torn apart, they are made to choose amongst their father or mother.

When parents decide to have a divorce what they forget is that the love their child gets will now be divided, will the child take it positively?, will the decision lie with the child to decide whom he/she wants to stay with?

Always take into account for your child before you decide to have a divorce as it doesn’t effect only your life but also theirs.

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How to break the news to your child?

Before you sign your divorce papers, you should ensure that your child knows about your decision. When you go about breaking the news to your child, you need to take care of the part that your kid knows about the reason for your decision and you need to give them a chance to speak their feelings towards your decision. When your child is speaking to you about it, when they are letting out their heart do not scold them, do not stop them, try to understand them as they are being torn apart from inside with your decision.

The division of the love and care

When you decide to divorce your better half, your child is the one who faces the major loss. You lose only one person who doesn’t care for you or love you, but your child loses the love and care of a mother or a father or at times both. The most difficult part for a child comes when the court decides with whom the child will stay without considering the wish of the child. If you have two kids or more, the court might decide to separate them as well, that is, it might order one child to stay with the mother and the other with the father. This becomes difficult for both the kids, as they not only lose one of their parents, but also lose their beloved sibling. This separation might not be affecting you in a serious manner, but for your child it might even result in depression and affect their day to day behavior.

How  to reduce the damage?

When your child gets to know about your divorce, they might speak up about whom they went to stay with after the divorce, they might even request you to give your decision another thought as they might not want you both to separate and they might want you both to stay together. The reason for divorce is usually because there’s nothing left in common between the husband and wife, but there’s always one thing that is common, that is your child. The child is enough a reason to decide against your divorce. If even your child is not enough a reason to stop your divorce, then at least make sure you let the child decide about his/her future.

Child support and the will

During a divorce, the parent that has more assets and money, is supposed to pay child support for the child’s upbringing and education, which the court decides. Apart from child support, if your will has your child’s name as the successor of your assets, you cannot change it after the divorce or once you remarry.