Divorce Crazies

BUSTED On a Birthday!!

My ex-husband is a firefighter, so he would have multiple days in a row off. On days he wasn’t working (and I was working) my kids would go to daycare and he would stay home. He told me he wanted to keep the kids in daycare because he needed to catch up on sleep since we were on calls constantly when at the firehouse. I was fine with that, the last thing I wanted was for him to get burnt out.

There were multiple days when I would call home shortly before leaving work for the day and I would ask if the ex-had picked up the kids from daycare, eight times out of ten, the answer would be “no”. On my way home I would swing by daycare and pick the kids up, get home and he would be drunk. Not drunk by himself either. Our neighbor would be over and they would be drinking together. It took me a few times to realize this was becoming a problem. I started to think he was having an affair with our neighbor. I was close to her and had talked with her husband and he also thought they were having an affair. I asked my ex-multiple times if there was anything going on with him and the neighbor but it was always denied.

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I got fed up with his antics, we both agreed our marriage was not going to work. We filed for divorce for multiple reasons. Shortly after we filed for divorce it was his birthday. Since the divorce was a mutual decision, I was still going to go out with him and help him celebrate (it was his 30th birthday), however, we couldn’t find a babysitter. The decision was made that I would stay home with the kids and he would go out with his buddies. Later that night I found out that the neighbor had filed for divorce from her husband four days after we did. Interesting.

I really didn’t care what he did that night, after all, we already knew we were calling it quits. Something happened that made me think he was out with our neighbor. I called him on his cell phone and he picked up but I think he was trying to hit the ignore button, he didn’t hear me but I heard her annoying laugh in the background, and then the call ended! When he got home, he smelled like a women’s perfume, so I knew she was there. I asked him what he did and he said: “I went to Maggiano’s sat at the bar, had a glass of wine, had dinner and went to a movie.” I asked if he was by himself and he answered yes. The following day on my way home from work, I called my neighbor. She was telling me that she went out the night before so I asked her what she did. Her response was “I went to Maggiano’s, sat at the bar, had some wine, some dinner and went to a movie.” I asked if it was a girls night out and her response was “No, I was by myself”. Interesting because in the city we live in, there is only one Maggiano’s.

When I talked to my ex and told him I knew he was with her and I know he was having an affair with her, he said “no comment”. Can you say BUSTED!

Writing help with WHAT?

Literally, one night after my divorce was filed, my soon to be ex-came to me and asked me to help him. At the time we were still living in the same house. I asked what he needed help with and he stated he needed help writing something. I was thinking to myself “what in the world did he need help writing?” he never wrote or had any interest in writing anything! I wasn’t in the mood to help but decided to anyways. One less fight to deal with.

I ask what he needed me to write. He said, “I am on match.com and I need you to write my profile.” What? Really, you are on match.com and you need ME to write your profile? I was so taken back and thought it was so ridiculous, I said no way.

A few days go by and he continues to ask me every night to write his profile for him. So I decided I would write it for him, me being the nice person I wrote a nice profile. Looking back what I should have done, was write an accurate profile of how he really was.

Three or four wives

Living in a duplex

Bed sheets

Asking me to take my maiden name back – going to marry a Jen – 2 Jen’s

Reverse of vasectomy

4th of July Parade

Open House at School with Dan’s girlfriend

Coffee with future stepmom

trying to control my finances

No counseling for kids

Take me back to court for full custody – No father figure

Enroll the kids in a different school district with out my knowledge

Communication Counseling

Court – me moving in with boyfriend before being married

Dog made kids sick

Starting Over After Divorce

Divorce can be a painful experience for anyone. People enter marriage with so much hope and love and waking up one day to find yourself single can leave you devastated. Starting over after divorce without a partner can be both stressful and confusing and most people don’t even know where to start. However, it is possible to have a very good life after divorce. You just have to make the choice to have a great life despite what you have gone through.
There is no rule book as to how you can bounce back as quickly as possible because people are generally different. However, there are a few tips that can help you find your footing and help make starting over after your divorce much easier.

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Give yourself time to mourn

There is nothing wrong with taking time to mourn the end of your relationship, after all no one goes into marriage hoping to get divorced. Allow yourself some time to grieve. Grieving is one of the most important steps after a person experiences any kind of loss. In its own way, grieving washes away the past and makes way for the future and in this case makes starting over after a divorce much easier.
As much as grieving is important, it is important to remember that time waits for no man. Regardless of how hard it must be, starting over after divorce actually requires you to start over. This means that you cannot spend all of your time grieving. At some point, you must get up, dust yourself and start your new life as a single person.

Be thankful for what you have

Many people who are starting over after a divorce usually go through a phase where they feel like nothing positive seems to be coming their way. The truth is, if you spend time counting your downfalls, you won’t have time to notice all the good things in your life.Take time to write down the things that are good in your life and that you are grateful for. Instead of focusing on everything that is wrong. Focus on what is good and you will realize that life is much better than you think.

Set goals

Starting over after a divorce can be extra challenging especially for those who had been married for a long time. It is hard to start coming up with individual goals when for so long, all your goals and plans included another person. Depending on someone for many years and then not having them can be quite devastating, however, it can also be the beginning of a very independent and fulfilled life. Setting goals and making plans for your future is one of the first things that you should do when starting over after a divorce. The goals and plans that you make set the pace for how your new life as a single person will be. When making goals ensure that you neither underestimate yourself nor overestimate your capabilities. You are stronger than you think, but at the same time, you do not want to set goals that are so high that you end up failing to achieve them.

Take time for yourself

During marriage people tend to change and sometimes they don’t even realize that they have changed. Now that you are newly single and have made plans and set goals for your future, it is time to rediscover who you are as a single person. Taking time for yourself includes getting your groove back. Getting fit and exercising or just trying something simple like a new hairstyle or perhaps something drastic like changing your whole wardrobe can work wonders for your confidence. Taking time for yourself also includes discovering new hobbies and activities that you enjoy. During your spare time, make time to try out a new hobby or rediscover an old hobby.When starting over after a divorce, confidence is key. Anything that you can do to boost your confidence and make you become a better person is highly encouraged.

Surround yourself with positivity

Starting over after a divorce can be hard but if you surround yourself with positivity it can somehow become much easier. The truth is, life after divorce is not terrible for all people. Some take it all in stride and somehow come out on top smiling. Surrounding yourself with people who believe that life can still be satisfying and fulfilling after divorce can help you create a better outlook of how your life will turn out.If you have friends who don’t believe in divorce and therefore don’t believe that one can have a successful life after divorce, avoid them. Such people will not have any positive impact in your journey of starting over after a divorce. Surround yourself with love and positive minded people and your life post-divorce will be much better than you anticipated.

Enjoy being single

One of the worst things about starting over after divorce is being alone. Being alone doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, being single opens you to the options of socializing and making new social connections. Making new friends is a great way to spend your time and avoid boredom it also gives you a chance to enjoy life as a single person. Making new friends gives you the excitement of experiencing life with another person but at a more independent level.Experience the single life in full before jumping into another relationship. Rushing into a new relationship soon after your divorce leaves you vulnerable to making the same mistakes again. Taking time away from romantic relationships when starting over after divorce helps you grow emotionally which will eventually be great for your future relationships.
Starting over after a divorce may sound difficult, but it can be an easy transition if you follow the few tips outlined above. Ultimately, whether you have a successful life post-divorce life is up to you. You can either spend your time mourning over what you could have had or decide to move on with your life and create an even better future for yourself. No matter what caused your divorce, believe that you are entitled to a good and fulfilling life and let all those around you, including your ex, see that life only got better for you.

Divorce Forums – Talk To Others

There is no doubt that going through a divorce is a difficult time in a number of ways. The stresses and emotions that are attached to this period of your life can wear you down in next to no time. This problem is further enhanced by the simple fact that everybody that knows you, and knows that you are going through a divorce, will talk about it and while this is nice, it is often the case that you feel that they are too close to what is going on.
At times, you simply need to vent or discuss your thoughts and feelings with individuals that do not have a direct interest either through friendship or with being related. You need people removed from the situation to give you a new perspective and that is where divorce forums can play a role.

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The Benefits Of Using A Forum.
When you use a specialist forum such as one that focuses on divorce it is important to understand that nobody there is going to judge you. People that frequent a divorce forum know and understand the pain, hurt, and anger that you are feeling. There are people on there that have been there and got the t-shirt. There are people on divorce forums that can help you from other angles including emotional help and legal advice and helping to point you in the right direction. There will also be help and advice on where to go next after your divorce has been completed. In other words, there are a whole host of benefits of joining.
Not Being Judged.
If we think about those closest to you and your situation for a moment. It can often be the case that people will tend to take sides in a divorce due to their own personal understanding of what is going on as well as loyalties. The outcome of this is that individuals can, to a certain extent, be judged on their thoughts and actions that have ultimately led to divorce. This in itself can put some added stress on the shoulders of an individual as there is a feeling that thoughts and emotions need to be restricted.
However, with divorce forums there is no sense of you being judged. It is not about apportioning blame to a party. Instead, it is about giving an individual the support and help that they need at this point in their lives and treating them as a human being.
Getting Help From Personal Experience.
Going through divorce proceedings is a trying and testing time. There is just so much to think about even though the vast majority is left in the hands of your legal team. However, people forget about the personal side and seeking help from others that have been through the exact same process themselves can be invaluable.
By chatting to those that have already been divorced and learning from their own experiences it does mean that you will see that the feelings you have are not unusual. The anger or frustration that you feel is shared by everybody that has been divorced. Divorce forums let you share your thoughts and get feedback from people that know exactly what you are going through and that in itself can prove to be invaluable.
Help From A Professional Point Of View.
While getting help from private individuals that have already been divorced is important, these forums also have people on there that can give you some advice on a more practical level. There are individuals that can help you emotionally almost in the same way as online counsellors, there are individuals that can give you legal advice should you be concerned about something, people can give advice on financial matters, and overall the entire thing just makes divorce proceedings seem to be less daunting than you perhaps thought.
Go Ahead And Join.
So, if you are in the process of going through a divorce, then the advice is to join divorce forums as they can be a wonderful way to escape what is going on and get help from people that are in the exact same situation. Remember that there is comfort in numbers and these are individuals that have no vested interest on a personal level with either you or your ex-partner. Instead, they can give you advice on so many levels and just make the entire journey that bit smoother.
Divorce is stressful and upsetting, but it does not have to be as bad as you fear. Get a profile on a divorce forum and interact with others and the world will no longer seem to be such a bleak place.

Stay safe and increase your privacy on internet

You can only choose to accept the reality that, sort of, emprisons us and makes it so we can’t put our hands straight through walls even though science says it should be possible, and if accepting this enforced reality you accept that the person has all the features of the rest of seemingly existing things in this reality, such as presence, tangibility, and recognition of existance by multiple sentient beings, then you can accept that they exist.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. To shake up your life

Sometimes, a life that is peaceful, calm and uneventful can unexpectedly end up feeling stressed. You might feel a void because you’re not accomplishing anything new. You might start feeling worried about your current situation and wonder what disaster is around the corner. To shake up your life.

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Even if the outcome isn’t exactly like you anticipated. As outlined in this article on how to conquer fear and make a change, going after something new is as much about the process as it is the result anyway but result.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

Inspiring quotes from the women who make us

“I’ve never met a woman who is not strong, but sometimes they don’t let it out. Then there’s a tragedy, and then all of a sudden that strength comes. My message is let the strength come out before the tragedy.” ―Diane von Furstenberg

“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.” —Margaret Thatcher

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. To shake up your life

Sometimes, a life that is peaceful, calm and uneventful can unexpectedly end up feeling stressed. You might feel a void because you’re not accomplishing anything new. You might start feeling worried about your current situation and wonder what disaster is around the corner. To shake up your life.

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Even if the outcome isn’t exactly like you anticipated. As outlined in this article on how to conquer fear and make a change, going after something new is as much about the process as it is the result anyway but result.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

Rise and Shine -there’s something about early mornings

Everyone wants to sleep in. Nobody wants to wake up early. But then that’s modern living, I guess. Early mornings have been tainted by their associated with work and weekdays, when life is a tired rush. And of course, late nights and intoxication don’t agree with early mornings, either.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. To shake up your life

Sometimes, a life that is peaceful, calm and uneventful can unexpectedly end up feeling stressed. You might feel a void because you’re not accomplishing anything new. You might start feeling worried about your current situation and wonder what disaster is around the corner. To shake up your life.

[ad type=custom-ad-2]

Even if the outcome isn’t exactly like you anticipated. As outlined in this article on how to conquer fear and make a change, going after something new is as much about the process as it is the result anyway but result.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

That will change the way you look at life

Music, and more specifically lyrics, have a way of touching our hearts. Lyrics can affect our moods, unite nations, allow us to forgive one another, and change the way we view life.

Yesterday, I found myself listening to a song that I had never heard before. With the drop of the first few lines, I rushed over to the music player and started the song over again. This time, I would be sure to listen to its words much more closely.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. To shake up your life

Sometimes, a life that is peaceful, calm and uneventful can unexpectedly end up feeling stressed. You might feel a void because you’re not accomplishing anything new. You might start feeling worried about your current situation and wonder what disaster is around the corner. To shake up your life.

[ad type=custom-ad-2]

Even if the outcome isn’t exactly like you anticipated. As outlined in this article on how to conquer fear and make a change, going after something new is as much about the process as it is the result anyway but result.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

How to survive without the internet on vacation

Believe it or not, the internet has not always existed! For those of you too young to know a time without internet and for the rest of you who have simply forgotten, it is not only possible but also desirable to learn how to survive without access to the internet.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. To shake up your life

Sometimes, a life that is peaceful, calm and uneventful can unexpectedly end up feeling stressed. You might feel a void because you’re not accomplishing anything new. You might start feeling worried about your current situation and wonder what disaster is around the corner. To shake up your life.

[ad type=custom-ad-2]

Even if the outcome isn’t exactly like you anticipated. As outlined in this article on how to conquer fear and make a change, going after something new is as much about the process as it is the result anyway but result.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

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Have a great day!

Scott Trick
Smart Divorce Network

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