We spend a lot of money for our weddings and honeymoons. We send out invitations to our closest friends and if we are lucky, we book our wedding in places like Hawaii or Los Vegas, where we can choose when we want to party and when we want to stay in. It has been this way for many years. You can tell when the groomsmen are getting down and you might even see a group of women in matching tee-shirts with creative headwear.
Change in the parity scene
About ten years ago, there was a change in party planning. Groups of women began booking divorce parties. These women had been through the struggle of divorce and now it was over. These women were financially more established, and they were not trying to sneak 10 women in a suite in Vegas. They wanted to party, go to shows, drink, and at the end of the night go up to their luxury rooms. They wanted to spoil themselves in the spas with massages, facials, and pedicures. Their reasoning was, “I did it up when I said I do (wedding day). Now I am going to do it up when I say I don’t (divorce day)!”
For those with a bit of a wilder taste in fun, they sign up for the “Just Divorced Package” at the Luxury Gun Range. This is where you can actually take a machine gun to your wedding dress while wearing a black sash.
Strip shows have never been hard to find in vegas, and the men who go there to celebrate have no problem finding one. The ladies look for a Chippendales to add a little something to their life. It has as long been thought a beautiful body with a limited amount of clothing eases a broken heart.
So the papers are signed, and you go out on the town and get rid of a lot of frustration. Now it is time to find a new normal. It is a time to reinvent yourself and come out of this stronger and better than ever. Here are some steps you can take toward that goal.
- Accept that you will grieve. Much like death the dreams you had with your ex are dead, gone, over. Even worse, a lot of people bundle up those dreams and wear them on their backs for years. They pop-out whenever you meet a new potential partner. They remind you of what the last person did, said, or how they reacted. You may want to get some therapy early on, so you won’t mourn too long.
- Love and appreciate who you are. When we allow someone to be close to us, we change. We all give a little. That is how we survive each other. It can be the smallest thing, like the brand of coffee you drink. Sometimes we just don’t care enough about the issue to have an issue. So now is the time to look back over your life. Buy the coffee you like, have your hair cut, put the mustard behind the mayo in the fridge. Take inventory of yourself and delight in the person you are.
- Learn to be alone You may feel the air around you is void, but it is not. It is filled with the spirit of you. What can you do? Anything you want to. Turn up your favorite music and sing. Dance in your fuzzy slippers. If you need to cry – do it! Read a book, rent a movie, take a long hot bath, eat eggs, and toast at dawn. You have everything you need to fill the rooms, you have your spirit.
- Have a deal with yourself about sex. It is not a great idea to get into a sexual relationship in these early stages. Your mind is not in the right place for the problems that intimacy brings. If you are going to have a “Friends with benefits” partner, be sure you both understand what it is. If it begins to go anywhere else, it is up to you to say stop.
Divorce is tough, but so are you. It will take a while and you are going to need a network of friends to lean on. You will laugh, cry, scream, and dance with delight. Sometimes on the same day! It is a fresh start for you. Just like when you trim the leaves of a rose stem, You will bloom brighter than you ever believed possible. Same way you did in your wedding day.