When The Judge Denies Your Divorce


We hear people speak about getting a divorce so often that we expect it. We just think it is our right. If your marriage no longer sends shivers down your spine, just trade-off, right? Wrong.


Do you remember, way back then, when getting married was all you can think about? You were in love and your wedding was the announcement to the world that you and your partner were joined forever.

You got a license at the courthouse and set the date. Just like that. The paper you carried gave you and your spouse certain rights as spouses. You were happy and the IRS was in agreement.

Marriage is a legal and binding agreement legislated primarily by the state.

Grounds for divorce

The state you live in has a list of issues that are legal grounds for divorce. While the lists change from state to state, most of the grounds are the same. For example:

  • Adultery
  • Desertion
  • Cruelty
  • Bigamy
  • Wife getting pregnant by another man
  • Spouse going to jail or a mental institution for three years

Of course, there are other reasons which the judge can take into consideration.

When The Judge Says No!

You may have a valid reason for a divorce, but that does not mean you will get one. The power to give you divorce is in fact the “power” which can be used as he sees fit.

The main reason a judge will refuse to grant a divorce is the wellbeing of the children. If there are children in the family, the judge needs proof that they are adequately provided for. Financially, if the union does not provide satisfactorily for the children, the divorce will be on hold. Until support arrangements are in place, The judge will not grant the divorce. Once they are in place, your divorce should go through.


It is more unusual for a divorce to be denied for reasons of Fraud, but it happens. For example, the couple may transfer all their debts into the wife’s name. He may open accounts no one knows about. He may try to hide money and take advantage of the system. But, our legal system has seen these things before and they do not take them lightly.

Normal Divorce

In the vast majority of cases, the spouses are normal people who have simply grown apart. They may even be spouses who broke their vows and made mistakes against their partner. In the best of circumstances, they are dissolving their marriage just because they have changed. They will ask for a divorce, and they will get it. They will suffer the pain and guilt that we all do. They will have trust issues and they will have to find a way to begin life again.

Lawyer up

The first group of people described in this article will have attorneys. They could be facing some tough ground to cover. But even for the normal family, lawyers are needed. They have clear minds, and they are not led by emotion. They want it to be fair.

A divorce attorney knows how to look out for your future. In your pain, you may not care about 401K, retirement, insurance, and who gets the dog. But they will care. Let your attorney fight the battle for you. There are programs for people like you. Your attorney knows about them. Let the attorney work out all the details. The more you fight with each other, the worse you look to the judge.

Be willing to work it out

Unless there is a very good reason, be the kind of parent that wants your children to have a good relationship with both parents. If your spouse stepped out on you and was caught in the arms of another lover, that is shocking and shameful. It proves he or she did not honor their vows. It shows there is a chip in their moral compass. It does not show they cannot be a loyal and loving parent. You have no right to say that mistake costs them their rights.

It would take something rather serious for a judge to require two adults to remain married when they are requesting a divorce. Remember, a judge sees divorce cases all day long. He (or she) is not picking on you. If it turns out that the judge sees something that doesn’t add up, and by delaying the divorce, he can correct it, you will be very lucky indeed. While this is inconvenient, trust that he has the best interest of the children at heart. Listen and obey. Your divorce will happen. By following the guides he is handing you, it should happen seamlessly and safely. And in the end, that is what is best for everyone.

Prepare for your divorce – Your Spouse Is Not a Financial Plan


Usually, a person will think about filing for divorce for a long time before they take action. Sometimes they feel something in the air from their spouse and they know something is different, but they get hung up on the feelings and do nothing to address them. In some cases, spouses wait months and even years to get a legal divorce. Regardless of the reasons, during that time, they should be preparing for the divorce. No matter who you are, a divorce will change your life.

Below we are going to give you some tips on a few things you need to have established before going to court. These things may make you uncomfortable, but your stability and the financial stability of your children are at risk. When you go into marriage you establish your ground rules for love. When you go into divorce, you are taking care of business. In a good business transaction, everyone walks away with a fair settlement.

Do not assume your spouse will be fair

You cannot assume your spouse will be at their best. Since the beginning of your marriage, you (probably) have invested in your future together. Regardless of who earns the most income, who had the best benefits package, and who has the best retirement to invest in. Now, everything will be looked at by others and dissected. Lawyers and judges are going to tell him or her what is fair and begin to slice into the investments that you worked so hard to build. They may feel offended that you do not “just trust them” to do the right thing.

Prepare for the worst

Before we get to the “easy” stuff, let’s just tackle the hardest one. Prepare for the worse. During a divorce, it is not uncommon to feel every emotion known to man. This includes:

  • Grief
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Pride
  • Love
  • Hate
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety
  • Panic

Sometimes these things are experienced in one day. So, you talk to your attorney and have a worse day conversation. What if your ex spouse remarries they day after the divorce, takes off to a remote island, and refuses to speak to you or pay for his obligations? Let your lawyer know your concerns and he will explain your options and calm your nerves because he has answered these questions dozens of times.

Quiet Preparation

Even though you are not running from abuse, there are some great ideas on this site that you can use. While some of us consider control abuse, in this instance it doesn’t matter. Take the advice and disregard what doesn’t fit. Be very careful with your to-do list. Keep the information confidential. This is important. Do not tell anyone what you are doing. Many people have been blind-sighted because they shared their plans with a best friend who told their husband. Divorce is a situation where people take sides.

Step 1- Inventory

The first thing you are going to do is take inventory of your situation.

  • Did you stop school before getting your degree in order to stay home with the family? Will you need additional training to get a (better) job? Document what kind of training, how much it costs, and how long it will take to get.
  • Did you inherit any land or property? Get copies of all of the paperwork that went with that transaction. This will prove that it was yours and part of the marital property.
  • If you need clothes, shoes, or coats, purchase them now. Check the children’s wardrobe too. Be sure they have enough clothing to get through the next season. Include sports uniforms. If you want to keep this to yourself, order the clothes a bit bigger and on the internet. You can stash them in another room until it is needed to reveal them.
  • Call the attorney and ask what he needs. Just as every state has their own rules.

Step 2 – Health

  • Take each child in for a complete check-up. Ask for a copy of their medical history. There should be one copy for each parent. The records should include the doctor’s name, address, and phone number. This tells the judge that the children’s health is your priority and you are working with your spouse to ensure their safety.
  • If the children need braces or any other temporary treatment, take care of that now. If you have been putting off getting a check-up or a procedure done, do it now while you have good insurance and no question on how long you have been covered.


  • Budget
    • Prepare a budget as exactly as you can. Pay attention and make notes for a while. If you were taken out of the house today would you be able to find a job, pay the rent, electric bill, internet, cleaning people, buy food, clothes, and pay for transportation? You have to show that to the judge.
  • The attorney will need the last 5-years tax papers you filed.

All these preparations show the court that you are reasonable. You want everyone to walk away with an equal share of the assets. The most important people are the ones who had no say. The children did not ask to be part of this union so they should have the best from both parents.

Getting a headstart on these things gives you time to work carefully and honestly and that helps you come out a winner.

Should Couples Seeking Divorce Wait Until Covid-19 Is Over?


When we find a person that we feel is our life-long partner, we marry them. We stand before our friends and families and share an oath to be with them for the remainder of our lives. Some of us go on to have children and grow the love we have for one another. We believe we will be together forever and divorce is not an option.

In some cases, our dreams do not come true. Sometimes, we grow in different directions. Sometimes, we lose our passion for our partner and fall in love with someone else. When this happens, we usually file for divorce. While we feel a divorce is an emotional, ethical, and moral action, in reality, a divorce is a legal action. It is a contract, designed to dissolve a previous contract (the marriage.) Therefore, your divorce requires the assistance of an attorney.

When Disaster Strikes

The primary goal of any marriage is to build a family. Each member of the family works to protect, and serve the others. In 2020 the world has faced a world-wide pandemic. Coronavirus  has killed hundreds of thousands of people all around the world, with no end in sight. Foods and other critical supplies have become in short supply. People have lost jobs in huge numbers.

Finances During a Divorce

When a family divorces, money has to be divided. It is difficult to split the home, bills, children’s expenses. To do that during a time when wages are being slashed, food is in short supply, families are losing. Common sense dictates that all resources are kept together and utilized, The resources are pooled and the needs of the weakest are as strong as the strongest.

Sometimes this  is the only way to get by.

Attorneys  are going to great efforts to create fair and legal agreements to contracts that will work well to protect the assets of the families so the divorces allow all members involved to begin on a level playing field.

It is a WE world

As societies mature and grow, people tend to become “Me” people. We want everything that fits us best, We want:

  • Our best education
  • Our career
  • Our dream job
  • Our beautiful home
  • Our talent
  • Our success

But, when we experience a massive catastriffy like a hurricane, tornado, pandemic, or worse, we quickly find out that the “Me” mentality will leave you hungry, hurt, and hopeless. In order to survive, we must adapt to a “We” mentality.

If you are in the throws of a divorce

This is common sense but it is worth saying.  Judges do not look kindly on people throwing money around with the economy of the nation and their very family in danger of poverty.

We share with our neighbors. We pull together to get by. We pull together as countries, nations, continents, states, towns, neighborhoods, and people.  We share resources, data, information, and research.

Parents, Neighbors, Teachers, Adults, Officers

We have lived in a world where we try to stand back from children. We are so afraid of being accused. But now, we are going to have to step up. Carry your phone with you, film what looks odd, take pics. Ask questions. Take pictures of trucks that look odd. Look, listen, ask, and help these kids.

In all divorces, parents should remain calm. Calm parents allow children to remain calm. Parents are teaching children how to get through in all situations. Married or divorced,this is your job.

Hire Your Divorce Attorney Before You Need One

Divorce Attorney

Some things need to be taken care of by every married couple, even if they are not getting a divorce. Every married couple, even a young couple who owns a little property and financial assets need to have every asset they own listed. This a will. You state who will be the executor of the will (pick out who will make your wishes happen). And file it with the court. This is why you should hire a divorce attorney even if you don’t need him.

You might ask why you would even think about listing everything your own at this phase of your life. Because, you and your spouse are making a document agreeing to what you own, and what it is worth and filing it with a judge. Your spouse cannot go back during the divorce and claim you do not own any property, a business, or a boat if he signed a paper stating he did and what it was worth. If any property is sold before beginning the divorce, find out how to register the funds so you will collect your share. This doesn’t mean you do not trust the man you married and the father of your children. This is just good business. They will also be protecting their share of the assets.

Wills, Trusts, And Estates Divorce Attorney

The attorney you hire to handle your estate may not be your divorce attorney but go to your divorce attorney first. If you have even a hint that divorce is in the air. Have your divorce attorney lead you on what things will make your divorce easier.

You should also use this time before the divorce has begun (if you are sure a divorce is coming) to gather the information your divorce attorney will need. This gives your lawyer the ability to start work immediately:

Divorce laws vary from state to state. When you go to your first appointment, you should provide the following items.

Note: If you have followed the advice and began working with him or her in advance, they will have most of this information.

  1. Your driver’s license.
  2. A list of substantial material assets and their value (your cars, your houses, your businesses, your boats, your plane, your expensive jewelry, timeshares, that Renoir or bonds, gold coins, etc.),
  3. A complete list of income for both you and your partner, and list of your necessary monthly expenses.
  4. A list of the names, dates of birth, addresses, and social security numbers of all your minor children as well as your spouse.
  5. Copies of the last three years of complete tax returns,
  6. A list of all the credit card accounts for both you and your spouse. Bring statements if you can print them off, showing the balances.
  7. Statements from all Bank Accounts going back 3 years,
  8. List extra activities your children are in such as dance, cheer, football, and softball. Include uniforms, equipment, and travel expenses. This should be made available so your child does not have to give up his or her normal activity just because mom and dad can’t decide who should pay.

Going through a divorce is one of the most challenging events in life. You are closing the chapter of your life that you built your dreams on, You may feel betrayed, hurt, mad, sad, and afraid. All of these emotions are normal and each of them is hard to handle alone. Combined, they are a force that can knock you off your feet.

In the center of all these emotions are your children. Your primary duty is to give them the best life has to offer. You know they are feeling many of these feelings too. They are heartbroken and they are confused. They love both of you, yet they feel they should take someone’s side. This is so unfair. You and your spouse are breaking up. They are not. Their world is being turned upside down and they don’t know why. You may get blamed and you may get hurt. But that is part of the job. Again, take the high road.

Adults only

The details of your divorce are for adults only. You and your partner need to come together as parents and decide what you need to tell the children. You should be honest with them. However, they do not need to know the adult details of your divorce. It can be traumatic to try to turn a child against a parent. No matter what happens between the adults, it should remain between the adults.


Divorce is hard, and some people make it harder than it has to be. If you are in a messy divorce, you know how difficult it is to take the high road and not lose your cool. But, very soon in the battle, you will wear down. You need someone to fight for you. That is what your divorce attorney does. He stands up for you and he fights for you. Even when you are too tired to fight for yourself. Use the assets provided by the courts and if your spouse refuses to follow that path, take it back to the courts. Sometimes, it is hard to give up on a dream. But push on. You will find a better place.

I Will Give Him A Divorce, But I Want My Share of The 401K


There will never be a time in life that you get more financial advice than when you begin divorce proceedings. You will hear a lot of advice about getting the house or the most money from the house.

The house is probably the biggest investment the two of you ever made. It belongs to both of you, no matter what anyone says. You can decide together who stays in the house. You can sell the house, pay it off, and split the profit. Or, one of you can pay the other for an agreed-upon amount to essentially, purchase their part of the property and profit. You can do all of this on your own and no one else has a say in your decision.

Your greatest and most complicated asset

You may be surprised to find out that your home often is not your most significant asset. If you have been married for a while, or one (or both) of you have had a job for a long time that pays into your 401K, it is probably a substantial amount of money. This money is part of the marital assets. In other words, it belongs to both of you. But, it is not just the two of you when it comes to this asset. The 401k plan must have an administrator and he or she is immediately involved.

Three-step process

●     Your divorce decree must order the division of money.

This is a necessary and expected addition to your divorce papers. The Employee Retirement Income Security Act (known as ERISA) was passed into law in 1974. It does not matter which spouse has the retirement account, their partner is entitled to their share. It is very important to understand that your divorce decree, no matter where it stands in the process, does not give you your share of the retirement money.

●     Your attorney must draw up a legal document called the Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO)

This legal document must be signed by the family court judge. It is then given to the 401k plan administrator. The document tells the administrator how to divide and disperse the money. The QDRO establishes the spouse as an alternate payee.

●     Collecting

Your spouse has three options on how to receive their money. The QDRO specifies which method they chose. The options are:

  • Roll the money over into their own retirement plan
  • Leave the money in the account and take their share when you take yours
  • Take a cash payment (less any taxes, penalties, and fees).
    • If either of the spouses decides to take their portion of the money at the time of divorce, there is no 10% early withdrawal fee. This is a one-time exception. After that opportunity has passed, unless the spouse is 59 ½ years of age, they will pay the 10% penalty.


Regardless of the age of the spouses, the government will count the money as income and income taxes must be paid to the IRS.


Division of retirement funds is the second most fought-over part of divorces. In fact, 83% of divorces go into battle over alimony, 62% fight over retirement money, and 60% fight over business interests. When you think of all the things that people have trouble with such as homes, automobiles, pets, child support, visitation, and expensive belongings it is hard to imagine 20% of divorcing couples are more concerned with their 401K than their time and housing for their children. After 2018, spouses who are ordered to pay alimony can no longer claim it as a tax deduction. So, these numbers may change.

What you should know

Expert needed

You can use your divorce attorney to draw up your separate legal documents regarding retirement money, but you do not have to. This is a tricky subject and there is no wiggle room. Ask him if he is experienced in the preparation of the QDRO. You want and need an expert in this field. If he is not qualified, hire a separate attorney.

Not a one-stop-shop

In many families, there is more than one retirement account. There could be retirement accounts from past jobs, from government jobs or military service. You may have one for each spouse. Each one of these accounts needs its own QDRO. Each of them will have their own administrator (which will have to approve them.)

In the last three decades, the divorce rate for women over 50-years-old doubled. It has held at one in every four divorces. When a person is over 50, their net worth is significantly impacted by the amount of savings, property, and investments they possess. The divisions of the 401K are difficult and the laws require an expert.

Do not change the beneficiary until the funds are dispersed

You know you are getting the divorce and you have come to an agreement on the retirement monies, so you go ahead and remove your spouse’s name as the beneficiary. If your ex is killed in an accident, before the paperwork and process are complete in this separate issue, you are no longer entitled to the money. If he changed the beneficiary to his mother, she gets the money. Do not change it until then. In most cases, your spouse cannot make changes without your signature.

State a percentage, not a dollar amount

Let’s say, the retirement account had $200,000 in it when you began the divorce process. You agreed to split it down the middle. Your paperwork is drawn up and signed by the family court judge and approved by the plan administrator. This is a long process. If during that time, the market changed and your plan grew by $50,000, you are expecting $125,000. If your paperwork reads that each of you will get 50% of the money, that is what you will get. But, if your paperwork reads that you will get $100,000 which is what half was in the beginning, you will get $100,000 and your spouse will get $150,000. It is all in the wording.

Of course the same is true if the plan took a dip. If the plan loses $50,000 and your paperwork reads that you will get $100,000 instead of 50%, you will get your $100,000 and your spouse gets hit with the loss and only gets $50,000. It is just luck. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Divorce is hard enough. Emotions run high. Learn what you need to know well before you need to know it. Don’t make the mistake of walking away and letting your spouse have it all. The money is set aside for the future. Yours and theirs. So, do the work and maintain your security.

You cannot learn everything you need to know from the internet or from your neighbor who got a divorce a few years ago. Just as your marriage is unlike anyone else’s, your divorce must be written for your marriage. Your attorney will gather the correct information from you to know how to get you what you need and to protect you. Call a qualified attorney, and keep your details to yourself until then.

Divorce Application: Simple Steps to Start Your Process

Divorce Application

When marital problems can no longer be resolved through calm discussions and counseling, it often leads to a heartbreaking but frequently necessary decision— filing for divorce. While it may seem easy based on what is being portrayed in movies and television shows, divorce application can be a complicated process that can get expensive and stressful. It gets emotionally taxing when dealing with the impending of a relationship. Also, there are other factors you need to consider especially when there are minor children involved. The situation could even get complicated if there are monetary issues and property entanglements involved.

However, this should not dishearten and overwhelm couples who are already confident with their respective decisions. Below are some simple steps that can guide you should you decide to get started with your divorce application.

Inform Your Partner of Your Decision

Inform Your Partner of Your DecisionPhoto by Hutomo Abrianto

Once you have come up with a final decision to separate ways from your partner, it is crucial that you open and discuss this matter with your partner. During your honest conversation, you must disclose the reasons why you have decided to get a divorce. It is in this way that you and your partner can come up with a joint decision and decide on a living arrangement that will be best for both of you and your children, if any.

It is also crucial that during this discussion, both of you should keep an open mind, and you respect each other to avoid adding more layers of problems on top of the already existing ones. By doing so, you also prevent the possibility of a lengthy and complicated divorce process.

If you are a woman and you are in a complicated situation wherein an amicable communication is impossible, then seek help from a local women’s shelter first so they can assist you with this matter. Doing so is especially important if you have minor children to protect.

Inform Your Children of Your Decision

While it is easier said than done, informing your children of your decision to separate ways with your partner is among the crucial first steps of getting a divorce. Ideally, you and your partner will settle first on an agreement as to how you can properly inform your children on what’s about to happen.

This step will get extra complicated and emotionally taxing if you have to explain it to your young children. You need to be extra careful with your word choice, and you also need to sound reassuring. And even if your children are already adults who can already fully understand your situation, it is still crucial that you inform them.

Hire Your Own Divorce Attorney

To help you in reviewing your entire case, a divorce attorney can help you out. Your attorney can give you legal advice and can assist in reviewing and managing legal documents and other paperwork.

Before choosing a divorce attorney, make sure that you do your research first on who can represent you and serve you your best interests.

Prepare a Fully-Detailed Petition Against Your Spouse

You can officially start the divorce process by preparing a petition or complaint against your spouse. Upon filing the divorce petition, there are three crucial details that you need to include. First, the statement that at least one spouse meets the requirements of state residency for divorce.

Second, the grounds or legal reasons for filing the divorce. Indicate whether you are filing a no-fault divorce or a fault divorce. It is crucial that your petition includes the grounds of your divorce. The grounds for a fault divorce include cruelty or abuse, adultery, desertion, prison confinement, and infertility.

And third, additional statutory information required by the state you belong to. In addition, the petition should also contain full details about your children, such as their name, birthdates, and age. You should also include the complete address of your immediate family members. The petition must fully state your purpose for going to the court. You can indicate details on spousal and child support, custody and visitation conditions, insurance, and properties.

Request for Temporary Court Orders

In some instances, there are waiting periods for divorce that might be unbearable for some people, particularly those who are dependent on the other party for financial support. That is why, upon filing for divorce, know that the court will allow you to request or ask for temporary court orders. Such court orders include child custody, spousal and child support, status quo payments, and temporary property restraining order.

Once you ask a temporary order from the court, a hearing will be held to decide its ruling. Most temporary order requests are granted immediately.

If you were not able to request a temporary order when you filed for divorce, make sure to apply for it as soon as possible.

Provide Copies of Paperwork to Your Spouse and the Court

Once you have successfully filed your petition and asked for temporary orders, you are required to provide your spouse copies of the paperwork. And, you are also required to file a proof of service with the court that confirms your spouse received a copy of your petition. Be sure to fulfill this, or else the judge will not proceed with your divorce case.

Unfortunately, there are some cases wherein it is difficult to make the other party acknowledge the service, especially if they would be intentionally evasive and uncooperative. This is the time when you should consider hiring a professional who can deal with such difficult parties.

Wait for Your Spouse’s Response

Wait for Your Spouse's ResponsePhoto by Eric Ward

After sending the paperwork to your spouse (also considered as the defendant), the waiting period begins. The defendant should be able to respond and acknowledge the service within the required amount of time unless they want to get into a default, complicated, and expensive judgment against them.


Starting a divorce application can be overwhelming but when it’s already affecting your lives and especially that of your children’s welfare, then all the struggle will be worth it. The entire process can be tedious and taxing but with the right know-how of the simple steps that start such a process, you will do just fine.


About the Author:

Dominic Nguyen’s firm specializes in cases related to family and divorce law, property and conveyancing, building and construction law, and insurance matters. He is a member of the NSW Law Society and the NSW Lawyers Civil Litigation Committee. Dominic also fluently speaks Vietnamese and is happily married in Sydney, Australia.

To Finalize Your Divorce, You’ll need to Make Decisions on These Five Things


The first step in the divorce cycle is undoubtedly the most daunting step you can take during your divorce: make a divorce decision at all. There are the wrong approaches and the best ways to go about making the first move. Below are some things to avoid when you try to make a decision as to whether a divorce is right for you.

Together with lawyers, mediators and other experts who help you determine the specifics of your divorce; you may want to use this opportunity to find out how to make your own decisions.

When you have children, after the divorce is over, if you’ve worked out how to make decisions together, you will minimize or remove the need for medical and court assistance for the remainder of the minority of your children.

No matter how frenzied or depressed you feel, when divorcing you need to make wise decisions. Fairly or not, judges will look at the choices you make in the first year of post-separation as a precedent for the future. So you’d be better off making wise choices!

Here are some tips                

  1. Don’t let anger force you to divorce

The divorce decision will be taken when you are level-headed and free from feelings. This is particularly true if you’ve got kids. For the sake of children, it is important that whoever wants to leave the marriage is able to do so in a respectful manner.

Significant decisions such as divorce can never be driven by feelings of anger. The anger toward the partner isn’t going to last forever, because one day you don’t want to know that you’ve made a bad decision based on unreasonable feelings.

  1. Share your desire to divorce someone you truly trust

Find a trustworthy confidant or psychiatrist, but don’t talk to someone eager to listen to your unhappiness. When you chose not to split, you may have to battle the rumours that travel through social circles. Marital issues are family ones. These are the things that you share with your partner, not your family and the whole community.

The decision to divorce can be difficult. You need to know that your decision will have a positive effect on you, your family, and your children for years to come. Take your time, use the level head, and take into account not just what divorce means to you, but also to all those involved in your decision.

  1. Don’t give up on your marriage until you have done everything you can to fix your problems

Solving problems means letting your partner know that marital issues have become so difficult that you are considering divorce. Nine times out of ten, you both have a part to play in the issues of your marriage. It is only fair that you will have the ability to work together to fix the issues or to meet with a marriage counsellor.

Divorce should arrive only after you have earnestly made every attempt to save your family. Communicate about marital issues and work together for agreements and alternatives. If the issues persist after working together, consider an outside tool like a marriage consultant to collaborate with on seeking remedies.

  1. Don’t get involved with anyone else

When you’re divorced, new marriages are good. The introduction of a third party into an already bad situation only worsens the situation. If you had an affair out of fear of being lonely until you divorce then you have to live with your fear of being alone rather than binding yourself to someone different only to avoid having to confront your anxiety.

Going outside of your marriage for solutions to marital issues just intensifies the difficulties and compromises the decision until the bottom falls and you are unable to choose between the family and your spouse in the affair.

  1. Don’t leave an unhappy relationship until you can comfortably take care of yourself

Alimony is not guaranteed these days and even if it is, child support and alimony will not provide you and your children with a proper lifestyle in case you divorce Dream about building up your own house before considering divorce.

When you do not have marketable job skills or require your career to stay at home and raise your children, you will not divorce until you have taken the required steps to be completely financially stable after the divorce.

About Author:

For any children’s concerns, including support and parenting, or other divorce problems, people in and around San Bernardino and Riverside Counties know just which family law lawyer to call first. The Divorce attorney in San Bernardino is committed to supporting every client that comes to their place.

Don’t Let Your Divorce Turn Ugly


When we get married, we are betting on beating the odds. Around 50% of all marriages end in divorce or separation. That number is based on the current statistics from the CDC. What the CDC doesn’t report is how many families fall apart where the parents are not married. Unmarried couples living together and raising a family are just as devastated and the breakup is just as profound.

How low can you go?

Sometimes two people sit down and decide that it is time to move on. They talk about the children’s needs. They discuss if one parent should keep the house or should it be sold. They create a financial plan and then they share a hug and walk away.  Really? If that couple exists we’ve never met them.

Reality is much different. It comes with arguing, hiding things, being vengeful, and an attitude of ripping each other apart. People become creatures that their families have never known. We are going to talk about a few of the nasty things that we have seen and that you should never do. Being vengeful will always come back on you. You may be very surprised at how far we can sink when our life and dreams are being ripped apart.

Like a thief in the night

Often a person who is seeking a divorce must slip away in the night for safety. If you are in a dangerous situation, leave any way you can. However, sometimes a spouse waits until their partner leaves for work. Then a moving van arrives and several co-workers clear out the house and they get out with everything but the kitchen sink. And, so begins the war.


We all need money to survive. Together or not, you both have to eat. The electricity has to be paid and the kids need a home. The spouse who goes to the bank and withdraws all of the money and puts it in a personal account without the knowledge of the other spouse will have to deal with the consequences and they can be harsh. That spouse is essentially telling the judge that they are childish and unreasonable. The backlash of that is losing all creditability.

Mr. or Mrs. “I’ll get you” will not stop there. In their effort to make their spouse suffer, they will have all the credit cards canceled. In this age of technology, it is not a quick process to stop direct deposits. At the very least you are leaving them temporarily stranded. 


It is not uncommon for a jilted husband or wife to do everything in their power to get their spouse fired. This can come in the form of sending an email to the company accusing the spouse of stealing from the company. Sometimes, they go much further. In one case we know of, a wife showed up at a company function and announced to the room that her husband was having an affair with a co-worker (who was also present with her husband.) It ended with a lot of yelling and eventually security took her out of the building. Of course, this caused a host of problems which ultimately cost him and the co-worker their jobs.

One has to question if she really thought that out. Not only will she have to adjust to being a single mom on one salary plus child support, but now her husband is not working, so he cannot pay.


Another group of issues that disgruntled spouses use as revenge is to turn the spouse into the IRS for leaving things off his taxes. They may call the DHS and accuse them of hurting or neglecting their child. Again, this seems like a rash jester. The government who looks at him will also look at you. This creates a big headache for everyone, and lashing out will not make the government think you are the most mature parent of the child.

What you should do

The most mature thing is to sit down together or with a mediator and determine the basics. Who will live in the family home during the divorce? Who will take the children to and from school? How much money will each of you need to survive the process? If your spouse tries or succeeds in doing any of the underhanded things listed above, tell your attorney immediately.  

Look at your life

Are you in a dead-end job and do not know how you can make it after your divorce, use the pre-divorce time to ask for a promotion or get another job.

If you do not have a solid support system, work on that. You cannot be everything to everyone. After the divorce, your friends will split with you. You will find some people to be on his side that you thought cared deeply for you.

Note: if you need a counselor, get one. You support system is there to encourage you and to let you vent. If money is too tight, try an online resource.

Have some money or a credit card handy. This does not mean empty the account. Cleaning out the bank. Put back a few dollars . Have a yard sale, be careful of who you give your information to. Take out a credit card for emergencies in your own name.

Be the better person

Making the transition is not easy for anyone. During that time, your focus should be on your children and your own health and needs. Making it as easy as possible. Is good for each of you.

One thing you can do is order copies of all important documents. This includes; birth certificates, health records, insurance information, education records, and place them in a binder so each of you will have what you may need to care for your children. Include the name of your child’s teacher and the school they attend.  

Never talk bad about your spouse where your children will hear and never ask your child for information in the other parent. Do your best to be the better person. But, if your spouse is determined to have a fight, speak to your attorney, That is what he is there for.

AH_smart divorce

4 Things You Must Consider Before a Divorce


Legal separation is a complicated and enormous ordeal for both spouses. Women often express themselves emotionally and find solace among their friends and family members.

But for a man, finding emotional support can be difficult. Since a divorce might drain you emotionally, physically, and financially, there are things a man must consider before taking the hard decision.

Let’s take a look at the critical aspects of a divorce you must consider before starting out the process.

Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce

Here are a few aspects worth considering before you file for a divorce:

  1. Is this fixable

If you are the one initiating the divorce talk, it might serve you better to look at the situation differently.

If you are enraged by something your spouse did, pause for a while before acting on your anger. A divorce should be the last resort, not the first step.

You could consider the idea of seeing a marriage counselor solve internal conflicts with professional guidance. A divorce separates a family and proves to be a disaster, especially for the kids.

Therefore, it might be better to check if you and your spouse can work things out with a marriage counselor. If you are not the one bringing the subject to the table, try to steer the conversation away from divorce to how the situation can be solved.

  1. Finances

It’s critical for you to know that the divorce process sucks out money from both spouses. In many situations, the man is the sole breadwinner for their family. If that’s not true for you, make sure to gather as much information about your family finances as possible.

Collect and organize copies of tax returns, bank account statements, investment accounts, credit card statements, and anything that’s an asset or a liability.

The more you know about your family’s financial standing, the better off you’d be in case you decide to go through with a divorce.

Having a clear picture of your finances will also help you both understand what assets and liability you share and how much you would want to spend on your divorce-related expenses.

  1. Self-care

Many men who undergo divorce find themselves relationship hopping, couch surfing, and living in uncomfortable conditions. These habits can cause an onslaught of low self-esteem and depression.

Therefore, before you make the hard decision of separating with your partner, ensure you prioritize your health and wellbeing.

Make it a point to find yourself a comfortable, safe, and secure place, so you have your basic needs met. Set up a routine to take care of your hygiene, food, and sleep- even if you have to force yourself to go through these on some days.

A little self-care will also make you proactive through the divorce process, keeping your head clear about what outcomes mean the most to you.

  1. Child custody

Before filing for divorce, consider what child custody arrangement would work best for you and your spouse. Would you want to share joint custody of your child? Keep track of how much time you spend with your kids versus your spouse.

More and more cases these days end up with both spouses sharing joint custody of their kids or fathers winning primary custody.

This is an important factor to consider before you file for divorce. Custody arguments can get rough during the divorce stage. So this might be the best time for you and your spouse to consider what the ideal arrangement might look like.

It’s also important to look at the situation practically and not try to ‘get back at your spouse’ through your kids. Look at what would be the best outcome for the overall wellbeing of your kids and act accordingly or consult a family law lawyer.

Considering these issues before filing for divorce can help you make an informed decision and navigate a divorce process well. Setting out on the process right also means you will be able to resume your life quicker and better.

How to avoid divorce? 13 things to practice to have happy married life.

avoid divorce

Avoid divorce

Many spouses ignore the small things that are the indicator of something bad coming. To them, none of those short fights seem to be ended at divorce. But then they hear their partner say the word “Divorce”. This is the moment when they get shaken and surprised. But what would have happened if you had noticed all the little things happening and taken small steps to make better changes and avoid divorce?

In a healthy marriage, the husband and wife are equally responsible for building a strong relationship and strengthening the bond of marriage. They both need to provide a better environment for their children. And all this is destroyed when the word “Divorce” comes in. You may regret doing many things that you could have done to avoid divorce and not to be in this present moment.

Companionship and love are two of the most wonderful things that make a relationship healthy and prospering. But if you ignore your spouse and fail to bring prosperity to your relationship, it might end up in the divorce. Let’s start practicing some good actions to avoid situations like these earlier.

Don’t think of “divorce”

Erase the word “divorce” from your thoughts to avoid divorce. If you think about divorce all the time, you might end up thinking about it whenever you argue. Even if it doesn’t lead to bad decisions but can stress you to death.

Share, from emotions to budgets

Your spouse’s emotional account needs investment. This relationship is like a bank account, you give, and you take. Be with your spouse at the moment of need. Make him/her feel special now and then through little things to avoid divorce.

Both of you are important

The person who cares less is the one who has all the control over the relationship. When one partner cares less about the other, they ruin the essence of marriage. This devastates the marriage and the other person can’t do much. Make sure that both of you have an equal role in the relationship to avoid divorce.

Discuss and share everything

Talk about the problem as early as possible to avoid divorce. Sometimes we avoid a situation and never talk about it again. But you know what happens? Those feelings, those resentments don’t go anywhere but grow on like cancer. Before not too long, the relationship is in immense danger. Have honest communication about things that are troubling you.

Listen to each other with patience

Develop the patience for “listening”. Most of the time you end up being judgmental or you pass suggestions to your partner when they talk about their feelings. Don’t do that! Just listen to what they are feeling to avoid divorce.

Don’t try this!

The worst thing couples do to each other is that they try to change each other. Try to accept each other’s flaws and embrace them. Because it is a two-way process.

Compromise is always the best option

So many big problems in life can be solved with compromise. Yet, it is so hard for us to do it. Some people have this habit of arguing and showing aggressive behavior just to be proven right. This behavior only leads to destruction.

Trust on your partner

Don’t hold too tight. You don’t want to make your partner suffocate in this relationship. Offer him/her some freedom. Your obsession might make you lose your loved one. Insecure people have a hard time dealing with a relationship.

No one is perfect

Forgiveness is the key to a successful relationship. Accepting the mistakes and forgiving others are the acts that lead to a healthy relationship.

Sharing is caring

If one person in the couple is burdened with lots of responsibilities, s/he won’t be able to play the role in the relationship. So, share a burden whether it is in terms of house chores, finance, or taking care of kids.

Get fit for your spouse

Don’t leave yourself completely after marriage. Take care of yourself physically and try to be maintained all the time for your spouse.

Flame up the charm

Keep on renewing the charm. Most couples plan a regular trip, or a “date night”, or this sort of other things to maintain the charm in their relationship.

Discuss your fears

If you think your marriage is falling apart, talk to your partner about it and seek guidance. Don’t leave the relationship hanging. Get help and sort out the problems.

No one is perfect so does the marriage. Every relationship faces ups and downs, but the core base of a relationship is your determination to make it work best. Don’t lose hope at any point, instead, make every effort to make your marriage as successful as it can be. I wish you the best married life.